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| ex colleague |
| 06.03.04 (8:10 am) [edit] |
I ran into a former colleague on the street last week. She looked radiant and confident. I learned that she was striving well at work and had become the right-hand woman of her boss. I was truly happy for her.
She was the opposite when she left my company a couple of years ago. She had a lot of issues with her managers. She was bitter and suspicious. Every time she came to me for advise she was depressed and lost. At that time, I thought she must be a very emotional and sensitive person whom required constant assurance. My advise for her was to take things lightly and toughen up. That was before I knew anything about the Personal Dimensions.
Now through a different light, as I listened to her again, I gradually figured out that she actually belonged to a totally different personality. Contrary to the sensitiveness and insecurity, she is actually a very confident and intellectual person, whose satisfaction derives from performance and rational, goals and purpose. She was depressed not because of the working relationship with her bosses - human relationship was not her strong suit, and not her stress point either. She was depressed because her boss made her feel incompetent. The sense of not up to the job was her fatal wound.
She did not tell me those things though, so how did I figure it out? I didn’t at first until she started to change subject from work to her family. She once told me about this very imaginative yet fragile daughter of hers, so I asked her how she was lately. “She is writing poems,” she said,” those very literature type of things – fluffy and unsubstantial. But she loves it.” That is good. Maybe she will be a good writer. “She is too fragile and sensitive. She takes in too much. I can’t understand why her mood swings so much. I was a much tougher person than her. I think she shouldn’t ‘feel’ that much. Sometime it will just make you weak.”
I got curious, and started to find out more about her interaction with her other family members. The more she talked about them, the more I found out about her. I asked her a few questions about herself. Do you like to think things are just black and white, and why so much concern about human feelings? Another word, the world would be better if everything was judged objectively and not subjectively. “Yes. That is why sometime my family members think that I am strict and unreasonable.” Do you like learning, and feel learning is the way to improve life, and people who don’t learn are lazy, wasting their life and not up-to-par? “Now that you mention it, yes. How do you know?” Her eyes opened wider with curiosity. I just smiled.
After a few more questions to confirm my suspicion, I started to share with her some of the ways of dealing with relationships. She began to really open up to me, and told me about the conflict between her and her husband. Somehow I wasn’t surprised about their relationship. She is what some called a Visionary, Revolutionary, and he is the Moderator, the Enhancer. Two very polarized personalities in which she has the more dominant stand and the lesser capacity to understand.
At the end of the conversation, I felt that I had shared enough info for now. She would be depressed in the next day or two, as she learned that her personality was not exactly the friendly type, and could be the cause of most conflicts. But I hope she would rebound and decide to change, and be happier with her family. I left her with a book named [url=http://www.personalitytype.co...]“Nurture by Nature”[/url] . Hopefully it will help her start with her kids. As for her hubby, maybe they will survive the marriage.
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