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| An Orange a day keeps sorrow away |
| 06.24.04 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
My son finished grade four yesterday. His report card showed that he improved quite a lot since last summer in many areas. I have to give him credit on demonstrating more discipline in school, and the result shows. I can’t help but grin though on a teacher’s comment about his worst subject, drama and dance. “He was able to pick up the hip hop steps quite well, but his attention was often else where.”
My son acts on impulses. He is bored easily if the activities do not generate immediate rewards. He is easily distracted by the interesting things in his mind, and lose track of where he is. He is not good with a rigid and structured environment. He needs to be let go and creative. Of course, he likes to experiment. Don’t try to explain to him the manual, just let him start putting the toy together. He will figure it out. If he’s interested in certain thing, he remembers every detail about it, as if he’s been doing it for years. Sometime he talks as if he’s an expert, because he can’t really separate what he knows from what he actually can do.
My son shows a strong personality of Orange, a personality that values freedom, creativity and instant rewards. Their time focus is present. Therefore, they often ask the question, “what do I get for doing this?” Orange people like freedom and hate formality. They are spontaneous and playful. If you take them too seriously, you will only get frustrated. You need to be able to play along, and appreciate their light heartedness.
They are also problem solvers. Of course, whether they are good at it or not depends on their intelligence quotient. But they love to help. The explanation for this behaviour links to their desire for instant rewards. They like the immediate gratification from solving other’s problems.
If they are extravert, they are supposed to be good athletes too. Because their time attention is present, they can rebound quicker from the mistakes they make. They are very competitive too, because they want that winning sensation as their rewards!
They are good at many things – repair, building, installation and set up. They are probably the most hands-on people you will ever meet.
They are also happy and practical. Believe it or not, they have an eye for beauty too. They prefer aesthetic environment and cannot stand dull drums. Why? They want to feel alive!!
This concludes the four basic personality types in True Colours – Gold, Blue, Green and Orange. From this basic understanding I will go on to explore the more complete personality composition, i.e. how everyone actually has a dominant and a secondary colour that drive his persona, and how they affect the person's happy buttons…
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| Seeing green (not red, but close) |
| 06.23.04 (5:37 pm) [edit] |
Situation can definitely change people’s behaviour. Not always in a way contrary to their true nature, but often in a way that amplifies who they really are. Take today’s conflict for example, this colleague of mine came into my office, speaking in anguish how she was upset about me pointing her the wrong way. This is the second time in two days that we had the unpleasant conversation of misunderstanding. She accused me of not being straight with her, assigning her work which had been assigned to someone else already. The fact was, the other person took upon a part of the work without my knowledge. But she didn’t spend time finding out the truth before jumping to conclusion. Well, of course she burned her bridge with me. I doubt that I will ever want to work with her again.
We knew each other for a long time though. She’s never this quick to speak her mind. I think the latest change in the company that leads to her severance has added to her personal resentment towards the work place. But her outbreak of disregard for others can very well be a magnified personality that I never knew – she could be a green all along.
A Green personality speaks about the type of people who value knowledge and competency. This type of people has a very high aspiration on self improvement. They just cannot stop reading the next most interesting book. They cannot stand house chores, as that rips their time of learning. Because they learn so much, a sense of competency accompanied the knowledge will show in their attitude. They are the least humble group of people, often you will find them watching others quietly with critical eyes.
The difference between a Green and a Gold is that a Green is not as organized. They often like to spend minimal time organizing their environment to gain maximum indulgence on their study. When they speak, they often sound conclusive and assertive, much to the dismay of others. Because they like to think things through, once they make up their minds they seldom need others’ agreement. When they share their decision, they are not asking for input, but merely making an announcement.
As harsh as I have described them, they are actually the most ingenious. They often are the great inventors, the great visionaries, or the great scientists. I used to wonder how come those great historical icons suffered such miserable and lonely private life. Now I understand. They just did not value relationship much. The Green people value logic. This is very similar to the Gold people. They are not people oriented, and hence can be perceived to be socially naïve. They mostly do not have many friends, and they don’t keep many friends. They seem to have problem blending in, mingling, or accommodating. I guess that is because they are too critical of others, and often seeing ‘green’, or seeing red, of whatever others do.
One reminder, don’t try to make them happy. Their happiness often short lives.
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| father Zeus |
| 06.19.04 (8:35 pm) [edit] |
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One thing I find about fatherhood is that, we don’t realize how much influence we have on our kid’s psychology. Before our kids are fully mature physically, they still feel inferior in strength and size to the most macho person in the house. Therefore, take a note of your temper and facial expression next time when they drive you mad. Pay attention to their reaction to you, and pay attention to your muscle tension. It will probably dawn on you how mean you look, and how intense you are. Your spontaneous combustion of temper can hurt a lot, and be felt for a long time. Remember, as a father you are the most powerful in the house, so use your power wisely. Don’t be a father Zeus. :evil:
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| blue peace |
| 06.19.04 (12:53 pm) [edit] |
It was a very stressful Friday for me in the office.
I was in a conference call with a major client, who comprised 50% of our business. My goal was to ensure that we could reasonably accommodate the client’s request and maintain our company’s objective in the meantime. This client got our attention lately by getting involved in detail understanding of our backend operation, and nosing in on our latest system development. Some of the project leaders were already annoyed by the additional pressure this client created, as the project team itself was also under tremendous pressure to meet the target. However, under no circumstance should we lose a good relationship with this client. Their share of the business has too major of an impact. I’ve met a few times with this client since I step in to manage their account, and I’ve found them very reasonable. And then came this prema donna. She was one of the project leaders, and yet she was even more dominant than her project manager boss. She was the heart and soul of the current project stage, and hence her attitude flared up even more. The amazing thing was, she kept up that attitude even in that client conference call. In several occasions, I almost fainted when she shouted into the phone. So much for the good client relationship I’ve built. :x
I am a Blue person. Relationship and meaning are two primary drivers of my type of personality. In the above situation, I was more stressed about the potential breaking with the client than the technical issues at hand. Whereas for the Gold prema donna, her focus was on what was supposed to be done, what her duty was, and not so much who she was talking to. In the past, I would have been so upset about the situation that I would immediately take action to mend the relationship with the client, give the prema donna a slap on the wrist and be unhappy the rest of the night that the harmony in the office was breached.
Not any more. Because this is what a Blue person needs to do: toughen up and ignore relationship trouble some time.
What is a Blue person then. They were sometime called the idealists. The idealist personality values harmony in the surroundings, meaning in life, and significance in their accomplishments. They value human relationship more than any other type of personality, and hence they have the greatest empathy of all. If you find someone who seems to understand you well when you talk, that person is likely to be a Blue.
Of course, with a sensitive heart comes a bleeding heart too. Some time, people see the more prominent Blue type person as timid, fragile or too self-conscious. This is explainable as the Blue person will always try to do their best to maintain peace, sometime at a cost of justice and rational.
Authenticity is also important for a Blue person. The superficial beauty fades fast with a Blue person if there is no deeper substance or benevolent characters.
It is hard for a Blue person not to think about the question, ‘why am I doing this?’, even at a young age for the more prominent Blue’s. These self-reflectors are some of the greatest spiritualists or religious mentors.
When the Blue feels passionate about certain thing, they are the best salesmen in the world. Not only that they make you believe in the goodness of that prospect, they make you feel that you need it. So, the timid Blue is not so timid after all. It just depends on if the situation calls for it.
Love for nature, love for life, love for peace and love to improve others, there’s your Blue personality. Maybe GREEN PEACE should be called BLUE PEACE instead… :lol:
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| dog eat dog |
| 06.17.04 (8:41 pm) [edit] |
Today was not so bad until I read the news at night. There had been two horrible homicides related to kids in the past year in my city. One of those cases was solved, and the suspect’s confession was published in the papers today. After reading it, my mind just didn’t know which way to think. On one hand, I was weakened by sadness and concerns. On the other hand, I was strengthened by anger and resolution to destroy evil.
In the statement of facts, the suspect admitted that he had fantasized having sexual relationship with children for the longest time. He pointed out that his fantasy was often conveniently satisfied and amplified by the child porn sites on the web. He even wondered why nobody would do something about those sites, as they really fuelled the desires of many sick minded people. The sad and horrible thing is, this suspect lived a normal life. He never even stalked children. All he did was hid behind his computer, and fed himself the “dark secret” until finally one day he carried out the act.
This reminded me of a short story which I heard from a friendly stranger about two weeks ago:
There was this wise elder and his grandson sitting by the campfire. The elder was trying to explain to his young apprentice the philosophy of moral struggle. “In every man, there is the good side of him and there is the evil side of him. Just like two dogs living inside him, one good and one bad. They constantly fighting each other in order to control the man.” The young grandson looked at him, amazed. “Then, who won?” The elder smiled and said, “The dog that you feed.”
Whatever personality type we are, there is always this question of morality. Some personality types may have a stronger sense of right and wrong than the others, but none of them are perfect. I hope that we really know which dog we are feeding. The consequence of feeding the wrong dog is simply tragic.
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| different shades of gold |
| 06.14.04 (2:03 pm) [edit] |
I've been off the last few days on a cold, now I'm back! I think I should start getting into the different personality types, so that I can write about the more interesting topics around human dynamics. I'd like to follow the easier route to define the human types in the world, so I will start with TRUE COLOURS.
The first type of personality I’d like to summarize in TRUE COLOURS is called the dependable GOLD. I guess the colour GOLD symbolizes longevity, dependability and security, and hence the personality.
GOLD temperament generally consists of the following traits: they are motivated by responsibilities and security. They do not like to be left out of the loop and be surprised. They need lots of heads-up. They value promises, and they try very hard to keep them. They are practical and quick to make decisions. Therefore, some have said that GOLD’s are born leaders. Of course, it takes some other traits to be a great leader, such as being able to speak one's mind. They want to finish chores before they play, and feel uncomfortable leaving things half-done.
If you are familiar with Myers-Briggs, you know that there are four personality dimensions in that theory. Each dimension consists of two opposing preferences. If you are not familiar with it, don’t worry. In Myers-Briggs, the two personality dimensions that dominate this temperament are SENSING and JUDGING. The SENSING part speaks to the fact that GOLD is very practical, likes to think of present situation and focus on details more than looking at bigger picture and dealing with vagueness. They are generally organized, and like to stay organized. Therefore, they need lead time to get organized and do not like surprises.
Whether a GOLD person values personal relationship and harmony or not depends on the way they like to make decisions. While the logical GOLD will demonstrate stronger leadership and attract followers, the sensitive GOLD will attract more friends, and they are often viewed as the best friend a person can have - both considerate and reliable.
Another lesser influence to the GOLD personality is the energy gathering method. If a GOLD is extravert, he/she feels energized when around people, being sporty, and travelling. The introvert GOLD can appreciate time alone and is able to arrange activities by themselves. Extravert GOLD tends to be more expressive, and introvert GOLD tends to be quiet and reserved. In both cases though, they still share the basic GOLD traits mentioned above.
The GOLD people values security. They work hard to provide a sense of security financially, emotionally and physically.
They respect traditions and authorities. Changes are not welcome if they come unexpectedly. Again, it goes back to the personal trait of needing lead time to get organized.
Because they are organized, detail oriented and like to be certain, they are good planners. If you have a plan or project, they are your best executers.
So, start forming a picture of GOLD yet? Do you know one?
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| One size doesn't fit all |
| 06.09.04 (12:27 pm) [edit] |
So far in my blog, I have recorded only my observation of the situations where an application of personality type can be useful. What I intend to point out is that, doesn’t matter what personality type we are, as long as we are alive, there is always some usefulness in understanding how others interact with ourselves, and how we interact with the surroundings.
I find that there is so much dependency between happiness and personality that we really cannot be on the right track until we figure out that relationship. My theory is that we are the happiest when a particular void in our soul is filled, or a particular chord in our soul is struck.
Many people have also recognized that ‘not every person is looking for the same thing’. There is a story about a depressed princess. No one in her kingdom could make her smile. She was not lacking wealth, nor beauty, nor health. She didn’t need to worry about a thing in life. Everything has been taken care of for her. Everyone worked so hard for her to make her happy. But she was still depressed. One day, a happy prince heard about this and was empathetic about this princess. He decided to share his happiness with her and change her misery. “Once she marries me, she will see how much happiness there is in this world – love, devotion, children, stability and romance … – anything a woman can ever want, I have and I can provide!” So they got married, and raised a family. But they did not live happily ever after. The princess was still depressed, just didn’t show as much. She wasn’t burdened with any house chores, nor did she need to take care of her children – there were enough maids in the house. Unable to make her totally jubilant, the happy prince became doubtful and frustrated. “What possibly can she want more – a powerful and loving husband, beautiful children and financial stability? She must be unique. I have never met anyone so ungrateful.” So he decided to confront her. “Why are you so depressed everyday? Is this not enough for you? Do you need more – more love, more gold, or more servants?” The princess looked at him and calmly replied, “I need none of those. I’ve had those all my life. What I need is to be useful.”
Historically, there are four types of temperament researchers often use to distinguish the personality types. These four types may have different names in different philosophies. In general, their characteristics are quite consistent throughout. These four types of temperaments can coexist in one person, but some temperaments are stronger than the others, and will become the dominant persona. This persona is the strongest when we have not developed the other weaker personality types. As we mature, the weaker types will be developed, and eventually be personified as our behaviour in different social settings. Some scholars call this a ‘developed self’, as opposed to a ‘true self’. What makes us unhappy is what we encounter, or what we do, deviates to a large degree from our lead personality types, or ‘true self’.
So what is my true self? What are these four temperaments? How are they related to my job, my marriage, my friends, my children, and, most importantly, my sense of happiness? The journal continues…
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| A chip off the block |
| 06.07.04 (11:47 am) [edit] |
Yesterday I went back to classroom for the first time in three months. I was a Sunday school teacher for a group of grade four’s. This is the commencement of my summer term. In the winter term there were on average 14 kids in my class – five boys and nine girls – and boy, were they a fun bunch to work with!
Although I could tell every Sunday morning how excited (or not) they were about being lectured, we were always happy to meet. From time to time though some of the boys could be a handful. I remember our first class was a total chaos. I felt like being run over by stampede of highly energetic kids afterwards. Then, law and order were restored the following week after I came up with a reward system and a few simple rules. And after a few ‘demonstrations’, I got their attention and respect.
It can be difficult to read kids, as they are one of the groups most often being stereotyped, in my opinion. We just don’t have time to understand them. We are too busy feeding them food and knowledge, and whatever else we think is good for them or can occupy them to free us up. How often do parents really get to know their kids? I think the most common impression is that kids are an apple off the tree, or a chip off the block, that they can’t be that different from their parents. Apparently, we can be in for quite a surprise.
If the theory and survey were correct about kids having their own personality, I wonder how difficult in that case it would be for the parents to raise them without realizing it. It must have been a constant struggle of will power. How can anyone be happy in that case? Home is just like a battle ground or a boot camp. Fortunately, I think there is hope, and harmony is not difficult to achieve...
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| Courage for happiness |
| 06.05.04 (5:30 am) [edit] |
Yesterday I received the first ever response on my journal. That was unexpected and very … hmmm… new to me, and very nice indeed! The commentator and I actually shared the same primary personality, and that made the comment even more heart-warming.
The commentator pointed out that people needed to first resolve basic needs before they thought about other things. This is quite true. As a matter of fact, some scholar ([url=http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/maslow.HTM]Maslow[/url] ) has pointed out that a regular person seems to go through the following stages of need to reach the sense of fulfillment: solving the basic needs, finding security, feeling accepted or belonged, gaining self-respect and self-esteem, and finally, reaching one’s potential. And the key word I find in this theory, is ‘seem to be’, as fulfillment didn’t quite happen in the same order for this lady, Tisa, in the following story:
[i]Fresh out of graduate school, Tisa had dreams of a bright future awaiting her as a counsellor. She had trained her collegiate life for this and had earned her MA degree in Educational Psychology and Counselling. But in the summer of 1979 shortly after graduating from the University of California, Berkeley, Tisa was in a car accident that wrecked her body, leaving her paralysed as a quadriplegic with a little motion in her right hand. She worked for a short time as an advocate for the disabled out of the concern for those worse off than her, but she never forgot her dream of being a counsellor. She went to the Department of Rehabilitation, thinking they could help her find work. She explained that she had a degree in counselling and asked them to help with employment in this field. They responded “we will help you get a job but not in counselling because it's too difficult, too competitive, and you won't stand a chance.” Unknowingly, they also broke her spirit. Feeling desperate and thinking this is better than sitting at home, Tisa left the office that day with a job as a representative for State Disability Employment Insurance. Her job was to sit at a computer and process claim forms for deceased people. She struggled with the routine of doing the same old thing every day for 8 hours. After a year she was so bored and depressed the she knew she could not continue to do this work. She told her employer that she was going to quit and they said “if you quit, you're on your own.” This may have been enough to discourage many in her condition but not Tisa. She was not about to let her physical limitations limit her. All the security in the world was not worth her sacrificing her passion. She did quit and began to pursue a counselling job on her own. When I first met Tisa she was volunteering for the Special Resources Centre for people with disabilities at the college where I was working as a counsellor. I was so impressed with her skills that I invited her to a True Colours workshop. She did the personality assessment and I could see that she was an Orange-Blue personality [/i](dps102 note: in short, think of Orange as a personality of spontaneity/active/ variety, and Blue as caring/human relationship/harmony/spir itual growth). [i]Gold [/i](dps102 note: Gold is personality of safety/control/predictabi lity/commitment/execution ) [i]was her last colour and this was the kind of work the Rehab office had assigned her to. Looking back at her job with State Disability Employment Insurance, the skills required for her job processing claim forms are strengths for the Gold colour. Yet, Gold is her last colour [/i](dps102 note: meaning this personality trait is the weakest in her overall personality, which in theory is consisted of four personality traits)[i], representing her weaknesses. Is there any reason why she hated her job? She had to focus all day on doing tasks that she was not good at and had no interest in. Has this ever happened to you? I introduced Tisa to the person in charge of the counselling department and she was instantly hired as a part time counsellor because of her credentials. Now, she is doing academic and career counselling which is her dream. She loves being active so she didn't stop there. She is also teaching career classes, speaking at conferences and doing workshop presentations. Currently she is developing an on-line career development class. Today Tisa is living the life of her true self -- the Orange personality -- with all the variety, fun, and excitement that she needs to keep her interested. Her body was broken but her spirit wasn't. If she had stayed in the job assigned to her, her spirit would have also been broken and the world would never have experienced the true gifts of this incredible woman.[/i]
Tisa actually compromised her sense of security financially and career-wise in order to reach her potential, and hence her happiness. That yearning of change, or that feeling of lacking, doesn’t seem to be an isolated incident. I suspect, the fact that there are not more people making the same kind of change even if they are not fulfilling at work, is because they either lack the courage, the opportunity, or they simply lack the understanding of themselves.
Another observation I make is that being ‘happy’ is such a broad term. Some people are happy at home but not at work/school, or they are happy with their work and not their marriage, or any other combination we can think of. Achieving an ‘all around’ happiness seems to be so idealistic that it is not even worth considering. Or is it? …
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| ex colleague |
| 06.03.04 (8:10 am) [edit] |
I ran into a former colleague on the street last week. She looked radiant and confident. I learned that she was striving well at work and had become the right-hand woman of her boss. I was truly happy for her.
She was the opposite when she left my company a couple of years ago. She had a lot of issues with her managers. She was bitter and suspicious. Every time she came to me for advise she was depressed and lost. At that time, I thought she must be a very emotional and sensitive person whom required constant assurance. My advise for her was to take things lightly and toughen up. That was before I knew anything about the Personal Dimensions.
Now through a different light, as I listened to her again, I gradually figured out that she actually belonged to a totally different personality. Contrary to the sensitiveness and insecurity, she is actually a very confident and intellectual person, whose satisfaction derives from performance and rational, goals and purpose. She was depressed not because of the working relationship with her bosses - human relationship was not her strong suit, and not her stress point either. She was depressed because her boss made her feel incompetent. The sense of not up to the job was her fatal wound.
She did not tell me those things though, so how did I figure it out? I didn’t at first until she started to change subject from work to her family. She once told me about this very imaginative yet fragile daughter of hers, so I asked her how she was lately. “She is writing poems,” she said,” those very literature type of things – fluffy and unsubstantial. But she loves it.” That is good. Maybe she will be a good writer. “She is too fragile and sensitive. She takes in too much. I can’t understand why her mood swings so much. I was a much tougher person than her. I think she shouldn’t ‘feel’ that much. Sometime it will just make you weak.”
I got curious, and started to find out more about her interaction with her other family members. The more she talked about them, the more I found out about her. I asked her a few questions about herself. Do you like to think things are just black and white, and why so much concern about human feelings? Another word, the world would be better if everything was judged objectively and not subjectively. “Yes. That is why sometime my family members think that I am strict and unreasonable.” Do you like learning, and feel learning is the way to improve life, and people who don’t learn are lazy, wasting their life and not up-to-par? “Now that you mention it, yes. How do you know?” Her eyes opened wider with curiosity. I just smiled.
After a few more questions to confirm my suspicion, I started to share with her some of the ways of dealing with relationships. She began to really open up to me, and told me about the conflict between her and her husband. Somehow I wasn’t surprised about their relationship. She is what some called a Visionary, Revolutionary, and he is the Moderator, the Enhancer. Two very polarized personalities in which she has the more dominant stand and the lesser capacity to understand.
At the end of the conversation, I felt that I had shared enough info for now. She would be depressed in the next day or two, as she learned that her personality was not exactly the friendly type, and could be the cause of most conflicts. But I hope she would rebound and decide to change, and be happier with her family. I left her with a book named [url=http://www.personalitytype.co...]“Nurture by Nature”[/url] . Hopefully it will help her start with her kids. As for her hubby, maybe they will survive the marriage.
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| The beginning of happiness |
| 06.02.04 (11:16 am) [edit] |
I'm starting this blog today to capture my thoughts around the subject of personality and happiness. There have been many researches and publications done around this subject, but I began to develop an interest in it only after I was exposed to the True Colours theory on personality dimension. Maybe because I am at the age of mid-life crisis, maybe because I am about to have a career change, but whatever the motivation, I find it important to re-confirm my true self at this stage of my life. It is natural for a person to look back at half-time on what has been accomplished, and decide if he/she wants to continue on the same path when it's all downhill from here physically, and unfortunately, mentally.
I find the power of True Colours, or Personality Dimension, to be its ability to simplify greatly the matter of human nature in a fairly accurate way. Combining with other daily applications, such as job search, child ed, and match making, True Colours helps average people such as myself easily recognize and identify the causes of our stress and satisfaction. Once understood, if we are determined to change and be happier, we can dive deeper into more comprehensive theories such as [url=http://skepdic.com/myersb.htm...]Myers-Briggs [/url] to further decompose our problems.
So, let’s begin my journey into the quest of the answer to this question: what makes a person truly happy?
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